Helping Your Child Deal with Bullies
Bullying affects up to 75% of kids between kindergarten and 12th grade. The term “bully” often conjures images of a child being pushed around or insulted by peers. However, bullying can be more subtle and less visible to bystanders, especially online bullying. These experiences, regardless of their form, can have severe and lasting effects. Bullying isn't just mean; it can lead to poor physical and mental health, including depression, anxiety, and, in extreme cases, suicide.
It can be difficult for children to learn how to handle conflict. As parents, it's our responsibility to help them navigate conflict with grace and compassion. Recognizing signs of bullying in children can be difficult, as our children may feel ashamed and not seek help from adults. It's important to watch for signs of bullying, like withdrawal, isolation, or mood swings.
Building Self Confidence
One of the most harmful aspects of bullying is that it erodes a child's self-confidence. It's essential to take the opportunity to help rebuild their self-respect. Even if the child doesn't respond initially, our support will make a difference in the long run. Building up our child's confidence and sense of identity is our best defense against bullies. Affirm who they are, reminding them that nobody gets to decide their value and worth outside God.
“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”
Teach Compassion
Teach your child to be a friend and to stand up for children who are being bullied. Let them know it's okay to confront the bully and support the victim. If they are uncomfortable with that, they can always seek help from a teacher or another trusted adult. Christ calls us to have a compassion to those around us.
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
Be a Good Listener
When your child is being bullied, ask them, "What can I do to be helpful?" Be open and supportive, but neutral, when they talk. Avoid reacting too strongly, as it might make them stop talking. Don't blame your child or try to find a reason for the bullying; there is no good reason or excuse for what's happening.
“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,”
Teach Your Child How to Respond to a Bully
Teach your child these phrases to stop bullying behavior: "Leave me alone," "Back off," or "That wasn't nice." Teach your child to respond confidently and seek help from adults if they feel unsafe. Encourage your child to stand up for others and treat everyone with kindness.
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
Seek Help
If bullying is happening at school, talk to the child's teacher and/or administration. Most schools take bullying very seriously. Your child may be able to speak with the school's guidance counselor for support. If the bullying is not happening at school, consider seeking support from a counselor or child psychologist. A counselor can assist your child in understanding the situation and provide them with tools to address the problem.
“The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge, for the ears of the wise seek it out.”
Resources to Help Deal with Bullies
Helpful Websites
StopBullying.gov shares actionable to-dos and what-not-to-dos for kids, teens and adults that can be helpful.
The American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry offers a robust resource center for families.
The North Carolina Department of Public Instruction provides helpful information on bullying.
The Children’s Law Clinic, a project of Duke University Law School, shares legal perspectives related to bullying.
Real Friends is an honest and relatable true story about the ups and downs of friendship. It's a great conversation starter for discussing feeling left out, dealing with big emotions, and finding your people. It's also uplifting and funny, making it the perfect graphic novel for readers who love heartfelt stories.
The Hundred Dresses tells the story of Wanda Petronski, whom her classmates ridicule for wearing the same faded blue dress every day. She claims she has one hundred dresses at home, but everyone knows she doesn’t. When Wanda is pulled out of school one day, the class feels terrible, and classmate Maddie decides that she is "never going to stand by and say nothing again." It's a timeless, gentle tale about bullies, bystanders, and having the courage to speak up.
Bully highlights the issue of bullying and the importance of standing up for a friend. Lyla makes a great friend, Jamie, on her first day of school. However, when Lyla joins the cheerleading squad and is invited to join a group of popular girls, she leaves Jamie behind. Lyla recognizes the bullying behavior of the popular girls when they start teasing classmates, including Jamie, on Facebook. She decides to distance herself from them. However, the popular girls seek revenge because no one leaves their group.
Chole and her friends shun the new girl, Maya, who eventually stops coming to school. When Chloe's teacher gives a lesson about how even small acts of kindness can change the world, Chloe realizes how much better it could have been if she'd shown a little kindness towards Maya.
